Opinions and social media

Posted on by wille2016

I have just returned to Virginia Tech for my second spring semester, and I have been meaning to write a blog post for some time. I just couldn’t find something to write about… until today.

One of the largest foundations of the American society is the freedom of the press, or as it is often called – freedom of speech. It has been a fundamental belief since our country was founded, even though there are several limitations on what can be stated (via libel and slander laws). But for the most part, we the people of the United States are free to state our opinions. The popularity of social media has both increased the number and variety of opinions which are publicly expressed.

Recently, my several students in the NJROTC unit at my high school were selected for a very prestigious honor, presenting the colors (flags) at an official inaugural event. They were selected from a pool of units, and the incoming presidential administration specifically requested a “diverse group of cadets” for the event. The students got to selecting who would attend the event, and my sister was dismayed to learn that they had not selected a female for the event. She asked to participate in the event, and the group accommodated her request by adding her to the group (even changing their set-up to do so).

Yesterday, the news stations in my area broke the news about Maury’s participation in this event. A large majority of my friends on Facebook shared the story or commented on it. Comments varied from avid support to statements that they were “embarrassed” to have graduated from Maury. I ask everyone to view this event not as the cadets agreeing and supporting President Trump, rather that they are participating in a historic national event. My sister is one of the most ardent opposers to Mr. Trump’s presidency. But she is participating because of the opportunity she has been afforded.

In our modern society, we are quick to judge and often prematurely jump to conclusions. One such article can be found below:

Daddy daughter dates are everything that is wrong with the world

This article is in response to a post from a popular Instagram and Facebook personality who highlighted the fact that her husband takes her daughter out for a “date” once a month. The writer of the article berates the father for being the “example of what is wrong with the male parent in today’s society” – stating that he should do more than give his daughter one special day a month. Unfortunately, I could not reach the same conclusion as the author here, because the post writer doesn’t list her complaints about her husband. I believe that he sees his daughter every day, and pays her the respect and attention she deserves.

It is important to think before we act or speak. We detest our president-elect for quick irrational tweets but do the same things ourselves. Yes, bad things happen in this world. Yes, people can be awful. But if we simply jump to conclusions about people, how will we ever find out the true story. Has this woman asked the mother how her husband behaves? Has anything more than reading that post occurred before her response was written?

Another great example of this can be found with Chip and Joanna Gaines, stars of HGTV’s “Fixer Upper”. Several months ago, Buzzfeed posted an article about how the church the Gaines attended was “anti-gay”. Therefore, by association, they must be homophobic as well. This same associative logic has been applied to the election, naming people who voted for Trump as misogynistic, racist, and homophobic simply because of the other people and groups who supported Trump. Buzzfeed failed to ask the Gaines for comment and instead lumped them in with the church they supported. This left both the Gaines and the church they attended in a situation. The church had simply stated that they did not support gay marriage, an opinion which many American’s support. But the church was not homophobic, as the article suggested. Rather they would support anyone who attends their church and tries to educate them in the ways of the Bible.

Modern society seeks to be politically correct in an effort to be 100% inclusive. But the truth about life is that nobody is ever 100% inclusive. Can we strive to be more accommodating and accepting? Sure. But that is truly a 2-way street. Yes, you have the right to say what you want. But do you need to decry someone else’s opinion simply because you find it “antiquated” and “exclusive”? Because by that action, haven’t you excluded that person’s opinion and beliefs? Letting someone state their opinion doesn’t mean you support it.

You, the citizens of America have an amazing power. You can impact the world and the society around you. But that takes action that can make an effect. I completely support the sharing of opinions, but that includes hearing other people’s opinions and working towards a compromise. You have to give a little to get a little.

By all means, protest policies which you don’t support and argue for those which you support. But don’t waste your time with pointless arguments and assumptions. By all means, detest fathers’ who aren’t active in their children’s lives. But don’t use a guy who is making an effort as the scapegoat for all the men who don’t. If you aren’t sure he’s a part of the problem, don’t place false blame. Jumping to conclusions harms both parties. It damages the reputation of both the accused and the accuser.

So try your best to express your opinion meaningfully. Do your research, think before you post. Allow others to state their opinions as well, and provide thoughtful and considerate responses. Don’t be a part of the force which further divides the country, rather act to create unity and progress.

 

Sometimes it’s okay to cry

Posted on by wille2016

By no means is this intended to be a pity post – I’m just sharing some aspects of my life that play a role here

To say my life is a roller coaster is an understatement. To me, it’s more of a bungee jump. One moment everything’s fine and dandy, then the next I’m falling over the edge, plummeting towards a certain demise. But then the bungee becomes taught, and I don’t hit the bottom. And we’re right back to the top.

Take today for example. I got a score back from a test I took yesterday – ended up being a 90.5. I also took a test and got a 100 – technically a 120 with the extra credit involved. Yet I’m sitting here in my bed, with tears coming out. Because on the one day my academic life is good, my social life is going all over the place. Not to mention the fact that its finals week, so the world around me is insanely stressful and moving at 300 mph. Only, I don’t completely control the direction this car is going. Someone else has already determined that for me.

It’s been a disappointing semester, one that I had thought would be one of my best. I was excited about the classes I was taking, the people who I would be living with, and to continue the great journey that freshman year had introduced me to. I would also have the opportunity to work with several sports teams here at Virginia Tech as a student athletic trainer. I would get to show my prowess in anatomy and excel in organic chemistry. I would be a great leader in my community, and get to help all the freshmen and make new friends.

Some of those things happened. Others didn’t. Things I hadn’t thought about happened as well. I would have not told you that I would be withdrawing from O-Chem halfway through the semester. Or be banking on the final two tests in anatomy to pull off a miraculous B-. Or worrying about who my friends were, or what my plans were for my future.

But some good things have come out of the experience as well. I wouldn’t have told you Virginia Tech would be facing Clemson in the ACC Championship in Coach Fuentes first year as head coach. I didn’t think I would find a group of athletes who I connected with and wanted to work with again like I have with our softball team. I wouldn’t have told you that I would have been baptized and become closer to Christ either, or be leading a bible study at a campus ministry.

See, all the stress and drama serve a purpose. It makes me a better person. It grows me closer to the people I should be with, and farther away from the people who may not be the best for me. It helps to develop my relationship with Christ. It’s often been said that if you feed college students coal, they’ll poop out diamonds. That may not be true, but it certainly holds true that pressure can produce a beautiful product.

So as we get ready for finals, remember a few things.

1.God has a plan. Yeah, you may have bombed that test, or maybe you don’t understand anything on the review sheet. But that’s okay. Grades may alter how we get there, but they don’t define who we are. This isn’t an excuse for you not studying or trying your best on the final, you have to do your part too.

2. Be aware of how you are acting and reacting to things. It’s stressful to us all, so don’t add onto the stress by getting upset about little things. It’ll all be okay once the tests are over. Don’t make mistakes you may regret for the rest of your life. Take some time off from studying to relax and have some fun. It’ll help you retain the information you’re reviewing anyways.

3. Try your best to remain comfortable and normal. Walking into a test can be stressful. It helps me to try and clear my mind before I take a test, whether that be through listening to music or talking to God. Try your best to stay calm while taking the exam as well. If you don’t know a question, mark it and come back to it. If you let the snowball pile up by freaking out about one question, it will likely cause a dip in your overall performance on other questions. Also, make sure you’re eating and sleeping. Some people say to eat healthy, but I say to eat whatever makes you feel the best and most comfortable. Don’t worry about getting the necessary amount of Vitamin B12 in your diet, as much as making sure you aren’t going hungry.

4. It’s okay to cry or get upset. We all have bad days. We all bomb tests or say dumb things to our friends. But we can reflect on that and learn methods for the future. Jim Valvano once said that his goal in life was to “laugh, think, and cry” at least once a day. We all have emotions, so we should be willing to embrace them.

I think by following all these tips, you will do a great job in school and other aspects of your life. Just remember after this next week, you will have a long break to relax and get ready for the next part of your journey!

❤ Will

 

 

Giving it 100%, and getting it back (at least some of it)

Posted on by wille2016

This morning I received the daily devotional that the campus ministry I’m working with sends every day.  I opened it like always and started to skim it. Then I saw a verse which related to something I’ve been thinking about all week.

“And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. So then, as we have the opportunity, let us do good to everyone…”

Galatians 6:9

I have always tried to approach my life in a positive manner, and help those around me. If you asked me how I would like to be remembered, I would probably answer that I would like for people to look at me as an example of devotion to others. Someone who tried his hardest to help others, gave his shirt off his back, and was loved and respected.

95% of the time, I think that’s how others think of me. They see my dedication and willingness to help. That if you called me and asked for something, I’d drop what I was doing and come help you. I think that is how we should all treat each other. In leadership study, we discuss putting others before self. I think I do a great job of this myself, maybe even too much of the time.

Then there’s the other 5% of the time. The times that I feel I’m not doing enough or my help isn’t wanted or appreciated. When I feel like I’m giving it all, but others don’t want to give it all back. Those are the times when I do things that make it worse, like staying in my room by myself. When you’re someone who helps people all the time, it’s difficult to ask for help yourself. When you’re used to being the one who fixes things, it’s hard to accept that there’s something wrong that you can’t fix alone.

I know that there are people out there who care. I know that Jesus cares, and Jesus loves me. But sometimes, I just need a little encouragement/reminder. It doesn’t have to be big or dramatic. Just a simple text message or hug. That’s all it takes. I enjoy being behind the scenes, making things happen and not getting credit. But every once in a while, it’s nice to get some praise. Get a little love.

It’s something we can all work on, myself included. I recently took a leadership personality index test and one of the areas I scored the lowest in was praising others for their efforts and accomplishments. And by no means do I have any animosity towards anyone who may read this and feel they didn’t tell me how appreciative they are, just tell me next time.

I try my hardest to live as He did, and we all should. You can take when you need to, but make sure to give back too. He is the only one who truly gave 100% without expecting anything in return. I try to follow His footsteps, and know that I will receive amazing things if I try my hardest to do so. But a little love from those around helps to move me through the downs in life.

❤ Will

Love one another, well sort of…

Posted on by wille2016

My sister and I went to dinner tonight. Something we haven’t done in a while. We sat and talked over dinner, and if you know me and my sister we don’t always get along. We disagree about many things, and at one point if I had said that the sky was blue Katherine would certainly have found a way to prove me wrong.

But we were able to sit and have a conversation about many things, including politics. I don’t like to discuss politics with my immediate family because my views often conflict with theirs (and when it’s weird and awkward I can’t never see them again). But Katherine and I were able to discuss political candidates, controversial issues, and life. We were able to have a civil discussion without threatening to kill each other.

Social media allows our generation to quickly spread whatever they may choose. Lately with plenty of controversial events, Facebook has become a battleground for people to voice their own opinions. Which is completely fine, I support voicing your opinion. But there is a difference between voicing your opinion and forcing it upon others.

I’ve seen many posts along the lines of “If you support (insert candidate’s name here) unfriend me now”. I often wonder how these people make friends because they are so confident that their opinion is always the right one. They are unwilling to admit that there may be other opinions and respect other people’s ability to have that opinion.

This week in my summer camp, I had a kid get very upset because another kid was “disagreeing” with him over what type of sunscreen was best. Both boys were crying, convinced that their opinion was correct and the other’s could not be. Simply put, each boy could have used the type of sunscreen they preferred without harming the other.

People are so set that they are correct, that we witness the violence that surrounds our political rallies and peaceful protests. We are a country that is formed in our abilities to voice our opinions, and we must respect that right for those around us. It would be a shame to move away from that just because someone is upset about being wrong.

❤ Will

Has it really only been two weeks?

Posted on by wille2016

On May 11th, I left Virginia Tech at the conclusion of the final semester of my freshman year. At the time, it was needed. I needed to go back home, start my job, see my family, see my old friends.

But here I am, shocked that it’s only been two weeks since I left my second home. Everything I took for granted while I was at school has disappeared. Many of these things are trivial, such as having to make my own lunch or find space to get work done. But there are bigger things I’m missing. I miss hanging out with friends almost all the time I’m awake. Sure I enjoy having some private time, and I love the things I’ve been doing at work recently. I hang out with pre-college friends a lot, but there isn’t that constant contact from those people I became so attached to over the past 8 months. I miss going to church on Sunday’s with a group. I miss group meals. I miss being able to spontaneously play a game of spades or throw around the baseball in the quad.

Sure, I can do all these things with my friends back here. And I appreciate all my friends here. But something isn’t just the same. I can’t pinpoint what it is, but there’s definitely some reason.

Counting down the days till I return home. 79 yesterday, 78 today

❤ Will

Thank You – from a College Freshman

Posted on by wille2016

My mom always taught me to write a thank you note for a gift or experience I was given. Sometimes, I followed through (I would often pile them up until one day, and then hastily write 20-30 “thank you” notes at once). But after Christmas of 2013, I forgot to write my notes and the next Christmas I got a cow (donated to Heifer International) as a Christmas present from my grandmother. Can’t make up for that mistake, but hopefully this is somewhat enlightening.

Thank you (insert name here),

Since I was born, I grew up knowing Virginia Tech. I went to football games, wore burnt orange and Chicago maroon, and could name at least 5 players on the football team at any time during my childhood. Blacksburg was this far off, mystical place that took forever to get to, but was always a lovely visit. In the past year, I have grown to call this place my home (much to the chagrin of my mom) and I am extremely happy with my choice to attend school here.

But the transition to college was difficult for me too. I had to leave the people who I loved, the city that I had spent 95% of my life in, and everything I had built up (not materially) in the past 18 1/2 years of my life. I suddenly found myself 300 miles (and 4-5 hours) away from my home. I was fully independent for the first extended period of my life. I had all these new responsibilities to handle, and to make new friends (a task I don’t particularly excel at).

But I did it. I made this place my home, like so many other freshmen both here at Tech and at schools and universities across the world. I wouldn’t be here without all the people who help support me.

First, thanks to the university and staff which surround me. I always try to be polite to you, saying hi when I see you and asking nicely for things. We all know that we couldn’t be here without y’all, and the majority of the work you do is unknown to others. Cleaning buildings, fixing broken equipment, serving us food, and many many other things. Thank you for taking pride in your job, and being kind and helpful whenever needed.

Second, thanks to the teachers (good and bad). Without you all, there would be little point to attend college. Thanks for challenging me to work harder, stay up late, and pursue things that interest me. Thanks for being mentors and listeners, and just good friends overall. We know that you’re very open to helping students succeed, often at great cost. And to those professors who weren’t easy graders, thank you too. You helped me push the extra mile.

Third, thank you to the upperclassmen in my hall. You guys rock, you’re some of the nicest people that I’ve met during my time here. You guys answer the dumb questions, like: “How does this course request thing work.” You welcomed us into your hearts and helped make memories that will last a lifetime. You kept us safe, gave us advice, and were there for us in our darkest hours. Make sure to come visit if you aren’t graduating, there will be warm cookies waiting.

Fourth, thank you to my family. Thank you for letting me leave home, go far away. Oh and paying for this too. It may not look like it, but I’m working hard. I wouldn’t have gotten here without your constant nagging (okay, support). I’ll always be home for winter, and spring break, and summer. You let me come up to your house on the weekends, do forced labor (ok, fun things with power tools and ATVs) and do my laundry in a dryer which actually dries my clothes.

Fifth, thank you to my high school friends. Y’all have been there for me when I need help and are always willing to meet up when we’re back for breaks. You were willing to let me come visit and bore you with hundreds of pictures of my new friends. Some of you will be joining me next year, and I couldn’t be happier for you. But I’m proud of all of you for being who you are.

Sixth, thank you to the people who told me no. I applied to several student organizations this year and didn’t get into a single one. At first, rejection hurt. But that rejection helped me to challenge myself to be a better person, and explore different opportunities (which have the potential to be extremely rewarding).

Finally, thank you to my new friends and family. It never ceases to amaze me that every time my parents meet my friends, they say “Will, you have such nice friends.” You all are some of the greatest people I’ve ever met, and your love seems unending. You eat my cookies, go hiking with me at 4 in the morning, play Wallyball with my uncoordinated self at 10 at night, and let me drive to church on Sundays (always first, never last). You lived with my beard for 3/4 of the school year and listened to my rants about whatever was annoying at the time. You helped me through finals, depressing times, and helped me maximize my college experience. You helped me to uncover the effect that God has in my life and to improve who I am as a person. I have so much love for all of you, and those of you moving off campus better visit next year. I’ll make cookies.

If I didn’t thank you personally, thank you for whatever you have done for me. You have helped me to become the person that I am today.

❤ Will

 

 

 

We Will Prevail (April XVI, MMVII)

Posted on by wille2016

April 16th, 2007 is a day which I remember well, even though I was only 10. Every generation has an event they all remember well. For some, it is JFK’s assassination, for others (who were old enough to remember) their historical event is 9/11. Ask anyone who remembers these events, and they can likely tell you where they were, what they were doing, and their reaction when they were informed of their infamous event.

Yes, this post is going to be emotional. There will probably be some tears but hopefully, you will come away with a positive view. I will refer to Virginia Tech as “our community”, even though I am just now becoming a true member of the Hokie community.This post focuses on the sense of community at Virginia Tech and my pride in the community following the tragic events of April 16. My intent is to move focus away from the horrific events that occurred to the more positive stories that came about later, so if you’re looking for detailed information about the events or the perpetrator you won’t find them here.

My personal event is the 2007 shootings at Virginia Tech. I remember my mother coming to walk me home from elementary school, and I couldn’t understand why she was crying. This was before I had a cell phone or kept up to date on the news, so I had no idea what had transpired that day while I was at school. I asked my mom what was wrong, and she replied that there had been a shooting at Virginia Tech.

I grew up cheering for the Hokies, attending football games in Lane, and watching us play football on TV almost every Saturday in fall. I’m a fifth-generation Hokie myself, with my great-great-grandfather attending school here from 1902-1905. My great-grandfather was the only one of his 11 brothers to not attend VPI, and I knew about the special connections my family had to this magical place. Virginia Tech was kind of mystical to me at the time, because I’d only been there a few times. Everything was so ornate and humongous here (I swear Lane was the biggest structure I ever saw as a child). But I did not comprehend at the time just how special this place is.

I absolutely love Virginia Tech. There is no place I would rather attend college. I love the people here, the landscape around me, and that amazing Hokie spirit. I love cheering for my Hokies in Lane, and Cassell, or anywhere in the world. It may sound strange, but I am so excited to participate in the events in remembrance of April 16th this Saturday.

We walked home, and I ate my afternoon snack while watching CNN. Those images are forever cemented in my mind. Police officers clearing buildings on campus, students jumping out of windows in academic buildings, those who were injured or deceased being carried out of buildings. It was all so surreal to me. I was 10 and knew that something horrible had occurred. But in my youthful innocence, I couldn’t fully comprehend what had actually happened.

I don’t remember much about what happened in the days to follow, but I did enjoy some of the wonderful images of the Hokie community rallying together. Specifically the image below, which shows members of the Hokie community spelling out “VT Thanks You” on the drillfield (which was actually captured by Google Earth.

I saw the huge outpour of support for our community, notes and gifts of support from around the globe. Many of these are still on display around campus. I walk past the memorial on the drillfield almost every day. It’s one of the most peaceful and beautiful spots on campus. I’d even go so far as to say that it’s my second favorite place on campus (behind the pylons).

I heard people like Wolf Blitzer talk about buildings on campus which were unfamiliar to me at the time, but now are easily recognizable and I’ve even walked through some of them. I heard both the positive and negative remarks about what had occurred. But most of what I remember were the positive remarks. Remarks from names such as Charles Steger and Nikki Giovanni. Talking about how Tech would get through the pain, and rise up to continue Ut Prosim.

That is probably what is most remarkable to me about the event, even to the present day. The community rallied together and helped each other up, even in the face of a historic tragedy. And to this day, that is what I am proud of. Our university faced an unprecedented event and continued on. That is what I wish people would talk about more. It seems that almost every time a large shooting occurs, Virginia Tech is mentioned in the discussion. But not about how we moved on, just about what happened here.

I can’t tell you how many times someone asked me my senior year why I chose Virginia Tech as my college. Most people were just curious, but I did get the stereotypical question: “But what about that shooting? I don’t think I’d feel safe there.” Many students here have been asked that by friends and family. It was difficult to provide an answer before I arrived here. But now, it is easy to say that I feel safe here. Hell, I feel safer here than at home (Norfolk).

The primary response on April 16th involved campus police and our student-run rescue squad. Yes, other response came from Montgomery County, State Police, and ambulances throughout the New River Valley and beyond. But VT Rescue organized the triage efforts and casualty management.

I recently had the wonderful experience of participating in the Virginia Tech Police Department’s Student Police Academy. One of the many things we discussed were the events of that awful day. Our campus police department is one of the largest, best equipped, most prepared college police departments in the country. I am confident that if anything happens to me or my fellow Hokies, it will be dealt with swiftly and correctly.

If you don’t know, there were two separate shooting events on that day (even though they were connected and carried out by the same suspect). At one point in the news coverage, the question was asked: “Why wasn’t the campus placed on lockdown after the initial shooting?” Now I enjoy the news, and I don’t hate them, but hindsight is 20/20. In the moment, the police did their best to react to the situation as it unfolded. They immediately responded to the first shooting, which appeared to be an isolated event. The decision to not place the university on lockdown (which was not logistically easy at the time) was made because there were no warning signs of another event. It is extremely difficult for some to live with that decision, but I believe made the most sense at the time.

The best stories are the ones the media won’t tell you about. Yes, 32 people lost their lives that day, and 25 were injured. But did you know that every single one of the 25 injured students not only returned to Virginia Tech but graduated from Virginia Tech? That is the Virginia Tech that I know and love. Sure something horrific happened here, something we all will never forget. But in the end, we all still love this place. It’s still magical. One person with an obscured view of the world will never change that.

So I leave you with the words of Nikki Giovanni, world-renowned poet, and professor here at Virginia Tech:

“We are Virginia Tech.

We are sad today, and we will be sad for quite a while. We are not moving on, we are embracing our mourning.

We are Virginia Tech.

We are strong enough to stand tall tearlessly, we are brave enough to bend to cry, and we are sad enough to know that we must laugh again.

We are Virginia Tech.

We do not understand this tragedy. We know we did nothing to deserve it, but neither does a child in Africa dying of AIDS, neither do the invisible children walking the night away to avoid being captured by the rogue army, neither does the baby elephant watching his community being devastated for ivory, neither does the Mexican child looking for fresh water, neither does the Appalachian infant killed in the middle of the night in his crib in the home his father built with his own hands being run over by a boulder because the land was destabilized. No one deserves a tragedy.

We are Virginia Tech.

The Hokie Nation embraces our own and reaches out with open heart and hands to those who offer their hearts and minds. We are strong, and brave, and innocent, and unafraid. We are better than we think and not quite what we want to be. We are alive to the imaginations and the possibilities. We will continue to invent the future through our blood and tears and through all our sadness.

We are the Hokies.

We will prevail.

We will prevail.

We will prevail.

We are Virginia Tech.”

But I’m on the outside, I’m looking in

Posted on by wille2016

Staind is one of my favorite bands of all time. Something is incredible about the way they can write heavy metal songs on the same album as soft rock songs like “Outside”. I love listening to song lyrics and using them in different situations, and Staind will serve well in this capacity today.

If you’re unfamiliar with the song, you can use the link below to view the music video.

While I personally feel that”Outside” tells the story of a man’s mental breakdown after a failed relationship, it can be applied to many situations where a person feels uncomfortable or out of place. For example, we’ve all probably felt excluded from a group. Maybe they all hang out together or go to events together. When we don’t get an invite to their hangout or dinner we’re disappointed. We feel left out.

We often have one train of thought after such an event, we think they don’t care about us. They intentionally left us out. But what if they didn’t think they needed to invite us? What if they expected us to come?

Often times, they didn’t mean to exclude us from their plans. I tend to “float” around my dorm. I spend some time with one group, then go to another group. That being so, I am often welcome to drop by and spend time with people when I please. They very rarely tell me that I’m not welcome, and if they do it’s a very polite refusal. It can be awkward to invite yourself to events, but some groups like things that way.

Sure, it may be awkward at first, and some people may have negative experiences with this (by no means do I endorse going to invitation only events unannounced, it will end badly) but as I’ve said before, sometimes you have to reach outside of your comfort zone. I think you will find that many of your experiences are positive.

❤ Will

What is love, and where can I find it?

Posted on by wille2016

Ever since I can remember, I have always dreamed of marrying a woman whom I love, settling down somewhere, and starting a family. I’ve always enjoyed pretending to be a parent (watching dogs, mentoring kids, playing “house”), and have always set being a father as a life goal. Often times, I look at my life and question my progress towards that goal. How am I developing myself to be a good father? Am I hanging out with people who are good? Who I will tell my children about in the years to come? Am I making steps towards finding the woman of my dreams, mother of my children?

That last one is probably the hardest to answer. If you look at my past, there are several failed relationships, broken friendships, and people who hurt me. That’s all just a part of growing up and learning to make smart decisions. Sometimes it can be depressing to be single, especially in a society that often makes fun of single individuals (or people who are romantically inexperienced).

But the fact of the matter is, we all get there at our own pace. Everyone I’ve ever talked to about marriage has discussed what I will call the “aha moment”. The moment when they realized that their partner was the person whom they wanted to spend the rest of their life with. Several of them have told stories about being engaged to other people before that. I look forward to that “aha moment”, and the ability to remember and reflect on it later.

Someday, that woman will come. All the stress and fear will be lifted, and joy will abound. But I don’t know when that will be. It could be today, it could be tomorrow, it could be 15 years from now. That time gives me the ability to learn and improve myself to be ready for that moment. But that doesn’t mean that I still can’t love people!

Modern culture seeks to find a definitive, specific answer to what love is. But in reality, love has a broad definition. Love doesn’t have to be found in a person of the opposite sex who you’re attracted to. Love can be found in the things we do, the people (and animals) who we interact with daily, and many more places.

Ask anyone who’s met me, and they’ll hopefully tell you that I’m a very loving person. I tend to love everyone I meet. Now people have warned me before about the “dangers of this world” and how someone will “step on me to get what they want”. But I honestly believe that if I’m nice to others, they’ll be nice to me. Sure if someone uses me I’ll be upset about it. But that’s just part of learning. Maybe they didn’t mean to use me, or I saw it the wrong way. I’m very quick to forgive and forget if you’re willing to do the same.

Now, that doesn’t mean that I love everyone I’ve ever met. I just approach meeting new people with an open heart. I’m not going to dislike someone the moment I meet them (unless they do something really mean or offensive), and try and hold judgement until I’ve met them and heard their side of the story. But that doesn’t mean that everyone is on my “nice list”.

Many times when we ask others for something, we are upset if we don’t get our way. We hope and pray that we get what we want, but that just isn’t the plan for us. For example, one of my best friends from high school is a former crush. I liked her, but she didn’t like me. I couldn’t understand that. Here is a beautiful girl, who I thought was everything I ever wanted, but she said no. I told myself I was over her, but the same thing happened a year later. And then again junior year. I could not comprehend what was wrong with the situation.

But, I didn’t try to view things from her perspective. Maybe she had a past history, or maybe she just didn’t want a relationship at that time. There are plenty of logical reasons why she could have said no. But the naive, young me, thought that something was wrong. That I couldn’t love this person, and she couldn’t love me because we weren’t boyfriend-girlfriend. I couldn’t have been further from the truth.

I thank God that she stuck around through all that and more. She loves me in ways few others ever could. Even if they weren’t obvious to me at the time. She’s there when I need to complain, cry, or laugh. She helps me when I was depressed, she helps me when I’m upset. She is what I think love is, even if it’s not shown or expressed.

Love is a two-way relationship. If you put an effort in, you get a reward out. And the reward you receive is equivalent to the effort you dedicated. That effort doesn’t always get recognized, but that’s okay. Love is so much more than sex or having someone to hold your hand. Love is helping others, baking cookies, giving people rides to church, helping someone with a subject they struggle in, holding people up when they’re weak. Love is found all around us, even if we don’t always recognize it. Love can come from a man or a woman.

Love can come from a man or a woman, and they don’t have to be from the opposite sex either. I live in a hall with 35 people, and I can honestly say that I love each and every one of them. No that doesn’t mean that I want to kiss all the girls on my hall, or that I’m homosexual for saying I love another man. That means that I respect and admire who each and every one of them is as a person, even their individual quirks.

My goal in life is to spread a little love everywhere I go. 1 Corinthians 16:14 reads: “Let all that you do be done in love.” That is a beautiful statement that I take to heart. That is who I think Jesus was. That is who I think Jesus wants me to be. In a world full of hate, why not love one another? If you find a reason why we shouldn’t love each other, please let me know.

 

 

 

Comfort and Vulnerability

Posted on by wille2016

The  world we inhabit focuses on comfort. We seek to control almost all aspects of our lives and avoid experiences which may make us uncomfortable. Instead, we almost always strive to be the most comfortable in the present situation. We are always adjusting ourselves in chairs, turning over in bed, or adjusting our posture. Many of these methods are simply human nature, and by no means am I trying to tell you to avoid them at all costs.

But if we only stay in a place in which we are comfortable, how will we grow and learn? How will we experience all the joys and downfalls of life?

Being uncomfortable isn’t always a bad thing. When we are uncomfortable, hormone responses trigger higher level sensory awareness and mental processing. Think back to a situation where you were uncomfortable. You can probably remember many details about the experience.

Take some time to step outside of your comfort zone. Work on things that make you uncomfortable, like meeting new people. The only way you can get better at these skills is through practice!

Now let’s discuss vulnerability.

I was once asked to speak to high school seniors and offer some advice on the adjustment to college life. Being vulnerable was probably the largest take-home I delivered that day. You see, when we are vulnerable, our true selfs come out from the facade we build. People get to see the real you and make decisions based on your true self. Wouldn’t you rather surround yourself with people who respect and love you for who YOU are, rather than having to constantly hide?

When people are vulnerable, beautiful things can happen. Not only will you meet friends who will be around your entire life, but you get a glimpse of the beauty of humans. College is definitely a chance to be vulnerable. Yes, you probably don’t want to go out and meet new people. You’re still adjusting to independence, sleeping in till whenever, and having to do your own laundry (if you do this before college, good on you).

Go, meet others. You’ll be glad you did. Chances are, they’re experiencing the same emotions as you. They’re scared and nervous too. If anything, you can have a good laugh about whatever. But you could meet your BFFL or a future spouse. Take the risk, ask a neighbor if they want to go to the dining hall or a sporting event. You never know what could happen.

By the way, this doesn’t only apply to college either. I previously stated that when we are vulnerable, we meet people who respect our true selfs. Take the common example of asking someone out on a date. Be yourself, and the worst that person could do is say no. And if they don’t like you for who you are, chances are it wouldn’t have worked out anyways.

So, step outside of that comfort zone this week. Do something that is challenging, and enjoy the experience. Be vulnerable in your encounters with others. Be who you really are.

Will ❤